Dear friends,
It’s your girl, Abbalyn. It’s been so long since I wrote to you. Shortie and I are settling in nicely now that the tall kid has gone off to college. Shortie quit her teaching job and went back to cybersecurity consulting - a more lucrative endeavor in my opinion. I see more namebrand food in my future. That Friskies was starting to give me indigestion. But it also means that she will be working from home fulltime. I’m not sure how much I like this. Already, she has taken over my room and has decided to call it her office. She didn’t even ask me. She moved things around and set her large arse on my favorite chair. This woman even gets offended if I come in while she’s working. She got a spray bottle for her desk. I heard her talking to a man in the box on her desk and so I came over to say hi to them and that fool sprayed me with water. She was trying to be all stealth about it so they wouldn’t see how wicked she is. Anyway, Shortie has somehow convinced herself that she is starring in her own private self imposed HGTV show. She went to some place called IKEA in ATL and got a new bookshelf and storage for her drawing portfolios. I was proud of her because my room was getting kind of junky. Yesterday, a friend helped her carry the boxes containing the bookshelf parts up the stairs and set them on the floor in the hallway.
This is going to be so good Abbalyn, she said. I’m going to put my office desk here, the bookshelf there, and a drafting desk in this corner. She was giddy with excitement.
This afternoon after work, she started unpacking the bookshelf. She pulled out one long piece of white wood and turned it over and over.
I think this is the left side, Abbalyn. She proceeded to pull out other parts.
Is this a bookshelf or are you building a small house, Shorts?
I don’t know who this IKEA person is but they wicked. They real wicked because why does this bookshelf have so many parts!
There are all kinds of thingamijigs and whatnots that Shortie has to pull out of those boxes.
But Shortie you can’t do that by yourself, can you? I asked her.
I got this Abbalyn!
Shortie, even the manual has two people. Look! There’s an X over the one person and a check mark on the two people.
Do you see someone else here, Abbalyn? No you don’t. I can do it.
Shortie!
Shut up Abbalyn!
So I drank my water and minded my business and walked back to the living room to wait for the inevitable meltdown. Shortie lined up all the parts on the floor and attempted to decipher the instructions. If you know anything about Shortie you’ll know that she hates following instructions so I wasn’t surprised when I crawled through a sea of cardboard and bookshelf parts a few minutes later to find Shortie sprawled out on her bed browsing on her phone.
What happened to the bookshelf,Shortie?
I can’t do it, Abbalyn. This thing is too difficult. I came to watch a video on how to assemble but I eh able right now.
But Shortie there’s cardboard all over the floor. What happens if there is an emergency?
I’ll run out through the damn back door, Abbalyn. You’re a cat figure it out.
Right after this exchange Alexa dinged to tell us that we had a delivery outside.
Seriously, Shortie what did you buy this time?
The drafting desk,Abbalyn. Were you not paying attention? It’s part of the redesign of the office.
Well first of all, that’s my room Shortesha! And secondly can you even carry that box into the house? Why do you do these projects, Shorts?
Because I can Abbalyn!
Well apparently you can’t Shortie else we wouldn’t be lying on this here bed.
You really do get on my last damn nerve, Abbalyn! I’m just going to drag the desk into the garage and wait for someone to come visit to help me carry it in.
And what about the bookshelf?
I lived without a bookshelf in this house for an entire year. A few extra days won’t hurt.
Not if you trip and fall.
Shut up Abbalyn!
Well friends we’ll see how this goes. I have lots of paper to go play with. I hope Shortie don’t get mad if I shit on one of them because you know I’m going to. Those pieces of cardboard are like portable toilets to me. Don’t tell Shortie I said that though. I want it to be a surprise! She looks stressed enough already. I’ll let you all know how this goes. Oh dang she fell asleep.
Shortie wake up and go drag that desk into the garage!
Hugs to you all,
Abbalyn
Update: Shortie built the bookshelf. Well there are about 10 extra screws and other parts left behind but the bookshelf is up. She even started assembling the desk. Nothing like a good public shaming from your feline to encourage productivity. You did good Shorts. Updated pictures in comments.
Comentarios